Personal Post....Memory of Dad's whirlwind cancer journey

(This post is for my own personal reminder of the journey we traveled back in 2015 to the beginning of 2016)

Back in August of 2015 we took Dad in for a routine scan on his tumour in his kidney.  The news wasn't good, there was evidence of growth on the tumour.  After walking through the back hallways with the Dr to only bump in front of everyone else waiting in line for another scan for dad it was a confirmed growth on the tumour.  Dad didn't sit very still in the MRI machine so the images were a bit fuzzy, however CT scans are super quick and he sat still enough for that :)

After feeling disappointed about this news and shocked and rolling through the emotions we took Dad out for dinner as the 1/2 hour visit turned into a lot longer of one.....we discussed the news with Dad and although we could see disappointment in his face Dad reassured us with the promises of the gospel that are true and faithful.  That nights sleep for me was little bit of a toss and turn as we were still given the hope that the cancer could be treated.

A few weeks after the scans Dad was scheduled for a biopsy nice and early in the morning.  I chose to take him for this  thanks to my husband and caregivers for the day!  I was super nervous to take Dad to this biopsy as my Mom's didn't go over so well.....just before the biopsy happened Dad's Dr. called my cell phone and gave me some reassurance that Dad was ok!  Not long after that he was back in a room and well I sat beside his bed and chatted.  He did much better than my mom!  Originally after a few hours of assessment we would've gone home.  But Dad's Dr yet again ordered another test for that day.  Dad was having a lot of stomach trouble and the dr. managed to rework the hospital schedule that morning to get a scope done on Dad's stomach.  So my 1/2 days turned into a full crazy day.  I left the house around 5:30am and arrived home at 7:00pm.  What a medical system we do have though.....so blessed!

In between all the unknowns I was busy planning a birthday party for my Dad.  His big 7-5.  We could celebrate this special day with him and looking back I'm so thankful we had this opportunity.  All 6 of us siblings were able to be with him....

On his birthday I was also called up by Dad's doctor with the confirmed news of the biopsy results that it was cancer!  Dad's birthday was a Thursday.  The following Monday he was scheduled

for ablation therapy to attempt to kill the tumour, but the news was still lousy. We weren't going to tell Dad until the next morning as I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news on his birthday.  Except the ablation never happened!!  With my 2 sisters being in town they took on some of the loads of emergency pain visits and other appointments.  In fact the next morning my sister took Dad to the dr who after listening to Dad thought a possibility of bone cancer.  So began the whirlwind of days...I came in contact with Dad's Royal Colombian Dr. who you guessed it moved and pushed things around so we could get dad in for another CT scan that afternoon at his hospital.  I arranged sitters and took my sister and Dad off to RCH once again.  The news was defiantly not cool....when the Dr. comes in with a fallen face we know it's not good.  He took us to the back room computers and showed us the scan results.  The cancer was in Dad's bones as well as in his lungs.  The poor guy had a lot of kleenex to hand out to my sister and I.  I kind of lost control of the tears and he just grabbed me and hugged me for a while.  This was the last time we met with this Dr. as he set-up all dads appointments closer to home in Abbotsford so we didn't have to do all these long trips.  This didn't end our communication with him though, any struggles or questions we had we had his contact information, if things didn't get done back at home, he'd do his thing and push the system!  he was also still involved with Dad's case as he'd meet with the local doctors and discuss best treatment options.

Radiation dates were set-up very quickly after the confirmation of the cancer spread.  He had 3 days of radiation.  These appointments were always interesting to listen in on.  You'd think the hospital staff would know how to deal with a man in a wheelchair who was paralyzed on one side....Dad said he feared for his life a few times that he'd fall off a stool, or they'd drop him on the floor.  Sometimes I'd just want to laugh at the situation, other times I wanted to just show them how to help him.  One day the call bell had to be pushed and oi the conversation in there.....well it wasn't pretty.  And if you knew my Dad at all he never talked quietly... don't worry I lived many an embarrassing moments when he'd make some snarky comments.  I'd try shush him, but over time I'd just rolled with the punches and hope no one would recognize me ever again.

With treatments over there was some discussion to start Dad on Chemotherapy.  Before that discussion happened a few times we'd have to take Dad in for ER visits for increase of pain medications.  About every 2-3 days he was increasing the meds. (September 30, Oct. 5, 7, 9 were the ER visits)  Let's just say if I was on the amount of pain meds he was I'd long be overdosed.  Yes!  it was a lot, and no it wasn't fun watching him suffer through those pain episodes.

On October 26 about 6 weeks after confirmed diagnosis of cancer Dad began some Chemo....this treatment didn't go well.  He didn't like being ill on the meds and didn't really take them consistently like he should have.  He always told me that he preferred quality of life over the quantity of it.  Yet, he wanted to take the Chemo, because he was worried we'd be upset that he didn't try everything in his best effort to beat this.  I told him I'd rather seem him live the quality over the quantity....

It was also time for Dad needing more care.  The decision came (not easily) to move him to a care home in Langley.  This happened on November 6, while I was away from all the busyness in Hawaii. I wasn't super happy with Dad moving to Langley, I had hoped he'd move to Chilliwack, but God had other plans and the move to Langley is what happened.  

After seeing how grumpy Dad still was attempting to take the Chemo we went back to the cancer clinic on December 11 to discuss his situation a little more.  The decision came that there would be no more medical intervention and we'd now focus on the quality of living for Dad.  Although you want your loved ones to fight, you also don't want them to suffer.  Dad was much happier off the chemo drugs and we all enjoyed visiting him a little more.

Since Dad was in a different home the Dr. could come visit him where he was.  This helped with the pain medication increases.  However we did manage to get Dad in for one more radiation treatment to help reduce the pain his bones on Dec. 24

Christmas 2015 was a beautiful day we shared with our dad. 

Just a few days later after this happy celebration Dad was hospitalized with pneumonia.  December 28 we were given the call that he was in the ER.  Thankfully our sister in law was off for the for day and could come watch our kiddos while we could sit by my Dad for hours.  He was pretty delusional at the time from pain and the pneumonia.  Mice were crawling on the curtain rods, he was in the most beautiful hospital (really it wasn't) and many more interesting things were said.  It was hard to know whether to laugh or cry at times.  Dad really wasn't doing well though and so on Dec 30 one sister came into town.  Her and I spent New Year's Eve in the hospital.  January 1 my other sister came into town.  Sitting beside Dad he wasn't well, talking to him but he wouldn't respond, just watching him suffer, getting upset when they weren't really helping him.  Then all of a sudden Dad was doing much better, he began to eat a little more, held conversation and after 2 weeks being in the hospital was ready to return back "home".  This move happened on January 12.  Even if at this point the water in his lungs wasn't really ever going to go away and that eventually Dad could drown from that water...we knew the time was coming, but again we were given more time to spend with Dad.

January 16 we went as a family to visit with my Dad.  This was the last time our 3 oldest kids ever saw him.  It was a really nice visit!  On January 19 my little man and I went for one last good visit.  We had fun having tea with my Dad and my friends Opa.  That day I gave my Dad a really good hug and said a really good goodbye as we were leaving for a ski trip and you just never know!

That was a very stressful ski holiday for me as a few days into the trip my brother called me and said Dad had taken a turn for the worse, but don't rush home yet.  January 23 my Dad still hadn't requested my sisters to come see him yet, so I chose also to stay the last night on the trip.  January 24 we dropped off the kids at my in laws and continued on to see my Dad.  This time I called my sisters that they needed to come.  I already had decided I was spending the night with my Dad.  He would only relax if one of us was by his side holding his hand and praying with him or reading the Bible with him.  It was a real comfort to see him relax every time we pulled out the Bible.  What joy we can be given even in our darkest hours.  My sister E and I were going to stay with Dad for the night.  All of my other siblings said goodbye to Dad not know it would be the last.  On January 25 our Dad in the early morning hours was granted the gift of pure joy.  He joined his heavenly Father because of Jesus and now Dad's earthly suffering was over.

Those 5 months watching someone suffer weren't always easy, but each time we would be granted some sort of assurance by our Heavenly Father.  He carried us through, he granted us comfort and provided for our needs. Even in this suffering we could praise him for many moments. We could laugh at times and cried a lot, had angry and upset times, but calmness too.

Then we had to journey on this life without Dad....at times I still feel lost as after those 5 months of a whirlwind of appointments and visits left my life quiet. Now that it has almost been a year and we've walked through all those firsts without dad we need to carry on....where 2017 will take us know one knows, but I don't feel as insecure about walking into it as I did in 2016.   Just thinking about all those people who are traveling on the road we travelled.  May God also sustain them and surround them and carry them through the laughter, tears, anger and fears.  May his promises provide a light each and every time!